Ive been pondering what happened
how happy my family was to have her around
I saw all the good things she brought to the table
how dolled up and dirt she could get
I don’t understand the missed connection on my end
maybe she or I looked to the other for to much
always needing a reassurance to be oneself
That hesitation is one of my own, it turns me off completely
at the same time I ran away
always cowardly the easiest choice
now I am on an island searching for nectar
that one soulful final true eclipse of my sun
awaiting the inspiration to latch on and never let go
I know I am retreating my ego and letting more in
at the same my confidence scares people off
I don’t like to be quiet but there are times reflection is needed
a filter is on I pick and choose what to comment or share my opinion
these doubts are all underlying, hitchhikers, I didn’t pick up conscientiously
but by nature
I will endure to nurture the better feelings
embrace the heart of right I know I own
humming along unaware of white noise or heavy handed dances
enjoy the refreshing open depth and expanses
breathe shortened by exposure my muscles tight
gasping yet moving my brain to fight or flight
outcropping darkness against white splash caps
clear shot to the bottom on the talus it slaps
momentous stillness rushing with speed
as I gaze atop to pool my eyes agreed
been here a while time to start trekkin’
never forgetting this oasis in time, for I reckon
I give people faces, not emotionally moved faces
preconceived notion-ed faces, pre-first impressions
before words are exchanged, before human spaces shared
those faces tent to change or morph into
personalities and actions and colors and lovers
personify their own face to me
faces all the same structure but different malleable shapes
they teach by showing my own
the first impressions soon fades disapproving
my original notions of thought, truth
exposed into reality and physical interaction
those faces in my mind explain life
seen in one light, exposed in another
relished in persona and simplicity
Slouched Broken Bleeding Heart
Completely Changing my Flow
The Less I Control
Same conversations while Michael sings
Same bullshit, different stretches of time
Same bar, the bird calls
The tongue reaches its point
The hugs become to much
Explosive finance
Trouble finding life
Your aboundant paycheck
Well, it doesnt translate
Central sociopathic stereotype
Spewing breathes of belligerence
My ears bleed from descending deceptions
Knuckles sharpen to white tension
Opulently insulting the peoples intelligence
The crumbling of a nation, risen and crushed
Unyielding eddies threaten the drowning
Underpowered lower half sweats and contorts
To find nothing behind the empty never ending
Whitewash of your voodoo political tyranny
Throttle back to simplify then move forward
You told me we have plenty
I see that in front of me
Trying to slow those moments
brewing it slowly, stealing time
I see that in your eye, cause I listen
You’re not ticklish, but I make you tickle
I can’t sleep anymore
knowing what its like waking next to you
walking this line to steal time
backtracking, I look at old pictures
still knowing you are there
soon to behold, I hope you share
your life with mine, stealing time
I don’t tell lies or half-truths to people
I don’t do it to ease my subconscious of letting people down
So how do you expect me to know what to retort post attack
Times like these I should be mad at you, not you at me
Chart your course more carefully and try again
I understand the result, just not the delivery
The explanations mean nothing
the speed, nicotine and swerving is a concern
my life is in his hands
a NYC taxi, no
The normal ride home
a 20-some over confident ex-athlete
Late corners to heavy pedal drops
The lost idea of James
It isn’t that cool, there are other reasons
a generation of people who think they need to be heard
they need to be seen for all the wrong reasons
the hippies and drag queens
largest influence on the post boomer culture
why is this indulgence of notoriety exist
the internet age and twitter et al
The many ways to express what I feel
None of them seem to be enough
I lust for your smell and touch
Just to lay next to you, kiss your cheek
simply have breakfast with you
and stare into your eyes, share smiles
I wonder about your reactions
Are you quiet and reserved as I remember?
Or will you embrace my warmth and reciprocate
Notions of love that will evolve
Diligently, gently massaging the new relation
nerves
I don’t even know you
Though I would devout my life to you
Your smile encompasses my every feeling
All on a hunch, those 70’s movies police hunches
They always seem to work out.
I hope and pray these memories made alone
Live
They can be embraced, be owned
They are all about your life, lifestyle
Your candor, and explanations of belief
I want to see them first hand
Too look at your picture, know our conversation
Understanding lust, as only I know
My being knows lust
Can I commit to knowing and loving you?
It will drive me mad; it may push me away
It will definitely expound my mind and expression
Some day I will answer these farces, these built quips
I am just exponentially scared they will infuriate
But I know inside you are the intuition, the stronger idea
the history
passed, made, evaporated
the internal complications
make turbulent to my reality
sold on interaction and flirting
never opening to let uncomfortable in
blocked off, yet alive and viral
she didn’t take confrontation well
I stopped talking completely
nothing went well, the shame of silence
not explaining it well
no communication between the mess
even god needed a middleman
they all proceed against caution
all exposed and loving yet over exposed
its seems logical, in a wasted land
who recommends this prescription
it is not sane or orderly
the lies perhaps exploit the motive
see through all of them and see clear
as it all unravels, you begin to sew again
the need threads dripping with experience
those lessons learned and storied climbs achieved
starting a new, only a quarter way in
it feels good to take what THEY said and run with what you want
the hardest of time, weathered with mettle
grasping towards your manifestation of life
your crazy dreams of the way it should be
the vision and light you chase
only garners your true embrace and circumference
let me travel at my pace, let this be slow and hurtful
The completion will show me the archipelago of love
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